I’m not a stranger to counselling when I was 13 I was referred to a service by my GP because I was struggling to cope at school. I saw my counsellor Rob for 6 weeks he was really easy to talk to and seemed to understand me and my struggles at that time I will always remember what he said “Emily you are building a wall so high that you can’t get over it” That comment has stayed with me because it is still true. Every disappointment, every let down, every lost friend, every failed relationship, every crisis of confidence put another brick on that wall.
I have realised that this wall can only be knocked down by me and I am finally starting to do this.
As I have mentioned I am going through counselling right now. If I had been referred by my GP there would have been a 6 months wait for an appointment so I decided to find a private counsellor probably having to pay £30 a week is part of the reason that I want to finally make a difference to my life and the way I see and do things let’s face it if I don’t get myself sorted soon i’m going to be bankrupt ha!
Joy is great she has helped me to understand myself and to work through my problems, she has made me realise that not everything in life I can get an answer to and there doesn’t have to be a logical reason why people do the things they do I just have to accept it and move on. This is a hard one for me because one of the things that I did most was try to ‘right every wrong’. In my head I had to ‘fix’ people and events because I was the one who had ‘broke’ them in the first place. The main reason I do this is because over the years when something has gone wrong with my friendships everytime those involved have just cut me down dead with silence. There is nothing worse than silence and I know this because I use this as a weapon too do you?
Some things are unfixable and I know that now and I am not going to waste my time on people who don’t want to accept that it takes more than one person to sort problems out. I don’t need anyone in my life who wants to treat me like a doormat, who wants to punish me with silence or who doesn’t want to make an effort for me.
Counselling will only work though if you are 100% honest about what is happening and how you feel, I wasn’t ready before to be honest with myself but now I am because I know if I don’t sort my problems out myself on my own I never will.
~Many ignore what they don’t want to deal with. Ignoring doesn’t change things it doesn’t make things go away. Talking is what sets you free~