For Mum

I am writing this blog for my mum as it has been a hard and stressful couple of days for her.

My grandad was admitted to hospital on Friday and wasn’t seen until 2:30am and my mum only got back at 5am. She only had 4 hours sleep as the next day she had to pick up my nan so that they are all together looking after my grandad.

Over the last 48 hours I have seen and heard how upset and stressed my mum is at the moment. A lot of this is mine and my sisters fault as we have not been helpful as we forget that mum has feelings and that this situation isn’t something she expected to happen.

She doesn’t sleep as she is always overthinking at night and that’s because she cares for others and wears her golden heart on her sleeve. But she is struggling, she is human like us all. She has had many mental and emotional battles over the years but she fights as hard as she can. This time it is different, I am upset to see her this hurt and worried all the time. I want to help her, I don’t know how? I do start doing things such as cleaning for her when she is mad with me because I think that it will ease the madness in this house. I know that this doesn’t work as the problems are still there but just covered up with cracks.

I love my mum so much and really want to help as she has always been there for me through all my battles and I want to return that to her as she should not face her battles alone.

When me and my mum argue (well she just talks at me as I don’t respond) I see her thoughts and feelings. I see how much she takes on with work. family life and friends as she always sees the best in people, and this means that at times she gets walked over as she is expected to do things for others. I can say that I do this to her, I take her for granted as I have never experienced her not being around.

I’ve had times where I wanted to swear at my mum but I don’t because I see that as disrespectful so I keep it in.

Whenever anything happens I always go to my mum first as she is like my best friend, and yeah I don’t have anyone else to turn to but I’d rather turn to my mum, I maybe need to stop as she doesn’t need this worry.

I have just found out that my grandad is not in a good way and I am worried for him. I know that my mum is not going to be in a good way as this is her dad and can see him really unwell. I just want to give my mum a big cuddle and say that he is strong and it will be okay.

I am sorry for my stupid and selfish ways.

Mum if you are reading this I love you, and I want to be here for you in the best way I can. I won’t know how you feel but I know that there is a lot of heartbreak for you right now.

Stay strong mum and always ask or take some help from others.

Massive Hugs to you ❤

Em xo

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