Hello again!

This year has gone by so quick , I started it in a very different place than I am right now. I haven’t blogged for quite a while because life has been really busy but I just wanted to say “hey I’m alive and I’m good!” 

Work is good, very stressful at times and busy but I’m still enjoying it. Family life is hectic my brother is still at home with us and waiting to move in to his own home with supported living, his epilepsy is not good which is a big worry but as a family we pull together to support him as best we can because that’s what we do. 

As you know a special person came in to my life a couple of months ago and he is still in it and I just wanted to say he is my everything 💕

I never thought I would find this level of happiness, it kind of consumes my whole body the amount of love that I have for him. He is what I have been waiting for all my life. 

When people say you just know when you are truly in love you think naa how can this be? But I’ll tell you now you just do . 

We don’t even have to talk to know what the other is thinking,  we talk about the future, we talk about “our” future because  our future is together.  We have so many things to look forward to over the next couple of months and I’m so excited to be spending special moments with “the love of my life” 

Anyone who thinks their life can’t change well I can tell you good things do happen when you start to believe again, the light has definitely come in to my life and I am in a good headspace. ❤️


Happiness is the little things

Happiness is enjoying the little things in life… 

Knowing that you’re going to wake up in the morning next to someone that lights up your whole world, just staring at them when they are still asleep because you can’t believe that he is your version of perfection and he’s in here in your life right now❤️

That simple text to show he cares 💜

That reassuring hand in your hand as you walk 🧡

Being able to talk together about random shit and knowing he won’t judge you, but that he’ll laugh along with your weirdness 💚

When he makes you your favourite meal and smiles when you eat 💛

When he’s proud to show off you to his friends and makes an effort to make you feel like you’re his princess 💓

I am so lucky to have found you.. you turned my darkness in to light and you helped me to believe that special people enter your life at the right time for the right reasons and that good memories can be made and shared again 💞

Thank you for coming in to my life and making me beyond happy 💘

~turn the corner and make that change~ 

Em xo 

Freedom

I didn’t know whether to write this next post but seeing a picture this morning made me realise that by putting things down here it is my way of setting myself free… this picture says it really because for so long I was treading on egg shells every day afraid to confront situations or people, so I kept quiet and every time it chipped further in to my head and my mental health . 

For quite a while after my breakdown I couldn’t go to places in case I saw certain people from my past. I was massively afraid of any kind of confrontation. That feeling in the bottom of your stomach of being so afraid that you feel sick, your head spins with terror and you feel out of control is just the worst. 

Then slowly I learned ways to cope… because if I didn’t that whole experience would have defined me forever, I would have been a prisoner of my own mind. 

Well this week I saw my past! 

I’m not going in to detail but all I can say is this experience finally laid the ghost of my past to bed. I saw that person who once rocked my whole world. I didn’t panic, I didn’t go in to melt down I just looked in to his face and saw nothing! Do I think he still has the potential to cause me trouble … yes … because his version of the truth will never be mine but that’s for him to live with not me.

I am just living each day as it comes now, dealing with situations and not running away from them, just being myself and most importantly being happy. 

There is a reason for my happiness… someone walked in to my life and made me feel alive again, they made me see that there “are” good honest people in this world.  He wants to cherish my whole body and mind, he treats me the right way .. like his equal 💕 

I hope he will be in my life a long time but who knows.. I’m just taking life one day at a time and most importantly I’m believing in myself because I know I can do this! 

~ love the life you live~ 

Em xo 

Let down

This is an old picture but I love it as shows how close me and my brother are 💕. Ben is 22 and he has autism, Epilepsy, severe learning difficulties and is non verbal , he can be really challenging at times and at 6ft 4inc and 18 stone he can be scary but to me he is just my big brother.

He’s been failed massively by social services , his transition in to independent living has failed and now in 8 weeks he’ll have to come back home after residential college and my mum and dad just don’t know what to do , they get no help at all and all this is really stressful for them which makes me sad to see

. But we fight as a family and we stick together so we will come through this and be stronger . Social services you are shit! Simple as !

~family is the key to happiness ~

Em xo

My Reason!

Failed again…

Well my new Tinder bio failed miserably

I got a match .. 🎉🎉

My match unmatched me after I said my ideal first date would be a nice meal out and good conversation wtf!

Ooh hello did I answer wrong should it have been “I’d like to get my leg over after some posh meal” .. no thanks mate I ain’t no f*** buddy for no one 😡

So I think I need one if these pillows instead 🤣🤣

At least I can still laugh about it , well it’s either that or cry in a corner ha !

Na my crying days are long gone bye!

~don’t take life too seriously it’s way too short ~

Em xo

Good enough to love

When you’ve been in an emotionally tough relationship it’s really hard to move on, a lot of searching for answers goes on as well as “what if questions” 

I think women struggle with this way more than men because we don’t emotionally detach like they do we feel like we have to know the reason why??? 

With all that comes the “am I good enough for anyone else?” Because a break up of a relationship also triggers thoughts of being a failure as a person because you couldn’t save the relationship. But the truth is out there… you can only save what wants saving. It’s easy to remember the good bits and make excuses but the reality is that there were huge BAD bits that were never going to be resolved no matter how many times you went over the past. 

Ask yourself these questions:

Was what went wrong all down to just you?

Did you ‘both’ ever say sorry?

Did you ‘both’ acknowledge your actions? 

Did either of you involve others to make them feel at fault “triangular effect”? 

Did either person say hurtful things after the break up? 

Did either person promise to get help for it only to be lies to get sympathy? 

Did either person make you loose your own identity?

With all those sorts of questions in your head it makes you feel like you’ll never be good enough for someone else. 

But we are all good enough! 

If you’re a girl struggling with your own self worth then don’t post sleazy pictures on social media with hardly any clothes on to get attention from men… be true to yourself you are the same person clothed or unclothed and if they don’t see that then it’s their loss. 

Be proud of yourself no matter what!

Life can be lonely, but work with that loneliness to make yourself stronger.

If you’re a lad then think could I treat girls better, could I be a better version of myself, can I admit when I am wrong? 

Everyone deserves to be happy but don’t loose out on having a good life by searching for perfection it just doesn’t exist! 

~life is a bunch of questions with no one right answer~ 

Em xo

Birthday

Happy Birthday to me! 😊 Today is my 20th Birthday and i’m Working in less than 8 hours time on a long day .

Today is also my American friend Sophie’s birthday, we may be thousands of miles apart but we share this day and always will , so happy birthday Sophie Gimbar I love you loads 💕

Here’s to the next year, to new beginnings and to new experiences either way I’ve got this !

~age is only a number~

Em xo